Dear Daughter-in-Laws

Dear Daughter-in-laws,

I wanted to let you know that I love you both very much, and even though the boys are only twelve and four, I pray for you both daily; just like I pray for our girls and our boys.

I pray over their purity as well as yours. I’m sure that by the time your wedding dates roll around it will be even more “odd” for the couple standing at the altar to not have engaged in pre-marital sex, but I know we’re raising our boys to treasure their virginity, to guard their purity, and I believe that wherever you are, your parents are doing the same.

I am trying my best to make sure they are NOT “Mama’s Boys”.  I PRAY that by the time you capture their hearts they are strong, independent men, full of kindness, compassion and strength able to provide for themselves and for you as well.

I know most newlywed couples hit rough spots in their marriage as far as finances are concerned, but if their father and I have done our job right they will be hard workers and willing to make ends meet anyway possible.

I’m trying my best to make sure they know their way around the kitchen. I will continue to school them in this area, BEYOND the Mac and cheese and Ramon noodles they will more than likely live on in college. I hope that one of the ways they steal your heart is by cooking great meals for you. I am also working on the laundry issue. They will know how to sort, wash, fold and hang laundry. Now, whether they put it away is a whole other story….

I’m making a promise to you that I will never in any way put your husband, in the middle of you and me. I will not make him feel like he has to choose between us. It’s you all the way.

Now, with that being said, by the time you two have tied the knot, Toby and I will have been married for 20+ years. We’ll have gone through a whole LIFE TIME of issues, struggles, ups and downs, joy, tears, fights and make ups. I’m not naïve, you two will have issues, you will have fights, and you will disagree. You need to keep all those issues, fights and disagreements between the two of you. I will not tolerate your husband coming to me and complaining about his wife, likewise I will not tolerate his wife coming to me and complaining about her husband. Trust me, I raised them I know how crazy they can drive you.

Some things are meant for the two of you to share with family, but an argument, disagreement or fight is not something you share with parents or siblings. Please understand I’m not talking about the everyday run of the mill, “can you believe he gave the baby Dr. Pepper???” sort of disagreement. I’m talking about those late nights, we can’t go to bed this angry at each other fights

And yes, the boy will make you understand why mothers in the wild eat their young. What can I say? If the TV is on… well you’ll see. So if I figure out how to make him pay attention when that black box is pumping him full of information like how to make guns, or who’s  going to the Super Bowl I’ll let you know. However at this point your best bet may be standing stark naked in front of the thing, then again… I can’t guarantee that will work.  

And yes, there will be days when you want to kill him. Let me just say that burying a body is hard work, and 9 times out of 10 you’re going to be too tired to dig a hole. So when he looks at you with that “What? Did I do something?” look (like after he dries your $50 bra in the dryer and ruins it) or “Soooooo, you don’t want me to go out right now?” as you’re sitting in the middle of 12 loads of laundry and it’s so obvious you need help folding, just take deep breath, let it out and either call me, scream and hang up, or call you best girlfriend and tell her to get a shovel ready. Either way, I’ve been there… for years.

I know you already know this, but I have to say it, they are amazing guys. Loving and affectionate, so I hope your love language is touch followed by words of affirmation. They have amazing imaginations, please let them take you on an adventure of a lifetime; every day will be new and exciting. They are passionate, and once they get in your corner, they are there for life, they’ll be your best cheerleader and you loudest fan. They will make you laugh, laugh until you cry. The wittiness and sense of humor is parallel to none – the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree on that one. Even after all these years of marriage, I don’t remember many fights with Toby but I can call to memory the times that he had me laughing till I cried.

They love the Lord, and again, if we raise them right, they will be your spiritual covering, your prayer warrior and your strength.  But, that doesn’t mean that you take the back seat. They will rely on you to pray them through situations, and they will depend on your sensitivity to the Holy Spirit to help guide them in making the right decisions. Don’t ever hesitate to let them know if you have a check in your spirit about something. And if the Lord speaks to you, share it with them, often times you telling them what God has showed you or spoken to you is the confirmation they need. Trust me I know.

You are getting one of the greatest master pieces I have ever had the privilege to help create. Their sticky little fingers have left prints on the walls and windows. Their dirty little hands have picked dozens and dozens of yellow dandelion bouquets. They’ve ruined things, broken things, flat out wrecked things, and have out eaten everyone in the house. Their chocolate milk moustache mouths have given me wet kisses on my cheeks and they’ve puked in my bed in the middle of the night.

These boys stole my heart with their first breath, and I’ve held their hearts close to mine all these years. As I prepare to give you these masterpieces, I’m expanding room in my heart to “house” you as well; I’m trusting you with them. I know that you will treasure them and take care of them, even better than I have.

I love you girls. Take care of my boys.

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