I need to apologize to everyone of my beautifully strong and amazing women friends that have their own businesses, blogs, movements, groups, non-profits, churches, conferences, and anything else that helps, heals, and speaks to other women; because I struggle with comparison. I compare my DOING with your DOING.
When I hear about a women’s movement, conference, group, business, book, non-profit, and the list goes on, I immediately hold Gena and Stunningly Strong up to whatever it is, and I compare. I try to see if I am doing enough, being enough, said or written enough. Am I making an impact like other women? Do I have the right trends and the right catch phrases or sayings? Do I post enough on social media or write enough on my blog?
It is one thing to look at other women doing something similar to you so you can learn and glean from them, but when comparison begins so does silent competition and eventually jealousy and resentment.
Yes, I have been jealous. And writing that does not lesson the blow to my spirit. I HATE that I have allowed envy and jealousy to creep into my life. Just this morning I was jealous of what I saw others DOING and accomplishing. And I was resentful; thinking I owned the ideas and rights to certain things, when in fact, I don’t own any of this at all. Stunningly Strong does not belong to Gena. Stunningly Strong is a God breathed idea that I have been fortunate enough to carry out.
How do I know when my comparison no longer walks along the path of learning but becomes silent competition? When I find it hard to promote other women. When I stay quiet and watch what they are doing in hopes that others don’t see it. When I can’t rally around another sister and give her all the love, support and cheerleading that I have with in my being to give. Am I outright negative and sabotaging ? No. But I am closed mouthed with a hint false support, offering just enough backing to make others think I’m supportive while trying to convince myself that I am not envious.
This morning as I was duking it out with myself in my closet, going back and forth about why I shouldn’t write this and how I wasn’t comparing, competing and envying, God was silent. Like, when we, as parents, let our kids throw a temper tantrum and when they’re finished we calmly tell them that they still have to put on their pants before leaving the house. That’s how it was. Tantrum complete, exhausting all the reasons of why I can’t and how I am NOT, the Lord said “Now that you’re finished, go write, NO APOLOGIZE.’
So here I am. Because God was right. I compare my doing, then I silently compete and it turns to jealousy, envy and resentment and I can’t support anyone. And that is a travesty, because all of you beautiful daughters out there are doing exactly what God created you to do and called you to be and how dare I NOT rally around you and support you and be a cheerleader for you.
Stunningly Strong can not reach all women nor should it. Each movement, group, book, church, non- profit, and business is strategically designed to meet women and girls right where they are in that moment and it is hypocritical of me to not support and champion all of you. So I apologize and I ask your forgiveness.
Please forgive me for comparing my doing with your doing and for competing with you and being jealous and resentful of you. I thought that in supporting you my circle would decrease but that’s the farthest thing from the truth, my circle will only increase as I rally around all of you.
My hearts desire is to champion EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU in everything that you are doing because we ultimately have the same desire: to see women free, bold, brave and stunningly strong.
I love you all and I want to help champion you. I hope you leave links to your organizations, conferences, groups, churches, blogs, books, etc. in the comments so that we can increase our circles and support the amazing women around us and be the women that God has called us to be.